Sixty-Second Spots

1

Condensed measures.
Easy to swallow.
Painless activation.

No longer will you burn in meditation.

Are the dimensions of each day deflated?
Do your vital organs lack incentive?
Is every new second
tightly wrapped
in dry latex?

Now, you can indulge in immediacy like those of The Excited!
With our dazzling, mesmerizing, serpentine specialties,
you’ll extinguish that brooding fire
between your grinding teeth.

Fresh from our fever labs,
liveliness of the mind and spirit
can be reformed once more.
Even tomorrow will stand on its legs
like a newborn war horse.

Resurrect your mental children!
Animate your dying future!
Unleash your inner ravenous cartoons!

For the exhausted populace suffering
from idle time and leisure,
our counteragents offer a chorus of ambulances
to your auditory walls.

One dose will fill your veins with sirens.

2

Premium reception has never been easier.
For your well-being, we give you symmetry and synchronicity!

No compromises.
No limitations.
No conventions.

Does the street corner saxophone moan for you alone?
Do your vocal fries stretch to prolonged croaks?

Perhaps you’ve noticed the nights broadcasting alarms,
all fog and no confetti.

Perhaps you’ve noticed
the bloodmobiles riding the air,
those stir-crazy ghost towns,
and the roads pumping stagnant stampedes.

Simmer down. The wait is over.

At last, we have replaced the frenzy with empty space.
We have sealed stars with an innovative lid to lock in the astonishment.

Let us wipe the tears from your cries and mute your pain.
Let us take the bones from your dinners for convenience.
Let us modify your vision, glorify your virtues, emulsify your regrets.

For a low expense, the clearest dark can be delivered
to your choice of cavity free of chance and nerve,
free of venture.

3

I’ll let you in on a secret:
Those midnight markets that dominate
only sell sighs and slack jaws.

Every moment, people cough lightly
to diffuse the tension of making accidental eye contact.

Don’t let this happen to you.

Escape that inconsiderate drift pulsing like shallow breaths.
Escape the crowds on the beat with their mouths hanging open.

Find your influence and elevation!
Find your white-noise, black-monolith rest remedy!
Find some way to replenish!

If you trust us, we’ll apply crisp, sacred facades
to your bodily appliance
in five new flavors designed to liberate
tongue from gray matter.

Smash your goals of temporary alleviation!
Help yourself to fresh, clean obsessions!
Inhale those sophisticating vapors!

With our guarantee,
your lemon-scented fumes
will even make the skeptics
believe in lemons.

4

You’ve got a long way to go.
We’d like to help you get there.

We are the expert synthesizers of power relaxation,
the tamers of barbaric hair, feral paranoia, and the hysterical sun.

Folks, don’t waste your honeyed existence. Devour these deals!
Let our blessings exercise unprecedented eating action!
Look at how they grind and pulverize sobs into straightened spines.

Notice how our spinning numbers blow away hot ash,
leaving you with a smooth score and your shell cracked.

With our exclusionary offers, you can break yourself in!
Break into vitality! Feel it in your angles and curves.

You can be sure
our multipurpose benefactions
will have you howling for a handshake.

Rub them on the back of your neck, under your nose, and behind your knees.
You’ll know they’re working when you witness the golden fog unfold.

One phone call and we’ll give you back what you once had
for a reasonable cost of commitment in countless installments.

Soon enough, you’ll be drinking green juice like pop stars,
spending more time with colorful strangers and candid gods,
and seeing more at the end of the rain.

5

They’re back!

Those wistful morsels
are back to extinguish the tender now,

Back for a limited time,
And then they’ll be gone
for who knows how long!

Don’t worry.
These are not the mistakes and regrets of you or the history of man,
the bygones you expect to gnaw at your thoughts and sink your being.

These are not your abominable traumas,
the slob you once were, the broken wreck
cracking open canned cries behind the wheel.

Instead, these are the cooling reminiscences,
the fizzy canned laughter, bubbling,
popping in front of processed graphics,
cheese-dusted bliss and placidity.

Sweet nostalgia, drippy and tranquilizing!

Save yourself the trouble of mustering up forgotten souvenirs
and let us grant you your greatest refrigerated memories
in reflections that make sense of your mirror.

How would you like to cut out the pain and weight of the past,
that which crumples your muscles and rusts the integrity of your joints
and incapacitates your fragile mentality with undeniable psychodrama?

Don’t delay, or this will be your latest regret.
Don’t pass on savoring what was once yours.
You’ll never know when you’ll get another chance.

6

Listen: you knock the rims of bottles against your teeth.
Your poise, a dull vibration seeping from your pores.

Every day, you wake up and struggle to stay awake
over the vinyl floor shining under age-stained fluorescence,
wishing, instead, to see ocean reflect sky.

Are you a fantasist? Wouldn’t you like to escape?
How would you like to stop curling your arms to your chest
like question marks?

If so, then kick away that line drawn in the dirt!
Don’t condemn yourself to now!

You are entitled to the future.
That’s our promise: forever new,
forever futuristic.

Don’t settle for slippery kismet.
Escape uncertainty and unlock anticipation.
Wipe away the unnerving haze from that doomed mirror.
See past it and render your figure worthless.
Dive into fearless providence.

Act now and let your pipe dreams roll, tumbling against impending blades,
stainless and flukeless, emulsifying muses into a frothy shake
you can drink with a straw.

When we wash away your cringing skepticism,
leaving your presence feeling soft and smooth,
you’ll steal your threads from the Moirai
and find solace in solidified fata morganas.

Our promises come in easy-to-swallow or chewable forms
that help you navigate the bullet hell micro-disasters of life
and unlike our ineffectual competitors,
you’ll never forget what we’ll do to you.